I have been living with Type One Diabetes for 5 years now, and it has been a struggle. Dealing with all the injections, finger pricks, lows, highs, sick work and school days, hospital visits and so many other things, have been really hard on me. My Mental Health really began to decline in 2016 when I started University and that is really where my Eating Disorder began. Just for the people who may not know what Diabulimia is, here is some information: 

Diabulimia is an Eating Disorder that effects Type One Diabetics, and mainly female patients. It is where the individual restricts or omits their insulin dosage in order to lose weight, or because they are scared of gaining weight. Many patients believe they will gain weight by taking insulin so they refuse to take it. Many people do not realize the consequences or seriousness of what they are doing to themselves. With the extensive restrictions, control on numbers, carbohydrate counting, food and weight Type One Diabetics are at a higher risk of developing an Eating Disorder (Diabulimia is not the only one to effect Type Ones). 

Coming from someone who is a Diabulimic, I was overwhelmed by how little control I had over my life so I decided to take control by pretending I didn't have Type 1 Diabetes. I was always overweight and was bullied really bad for the way I looked. I tried every diet under the sun including the cottage Cheese Diet, The Grape Fruit Diet, Weight Watchers but nothing ever worked for me. After I was diagnosed in 2014 I lost about 40 pounds because I was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis, but I healed and took proper care of my Diabetes. When I went to University in 2016 I was under a huge amount of stress and I could not deal with my Diabetes anymore. I started out slowly back in January of 2018, I began seeing that I was losing from not taking insulin when I was ill with the flu. From that point on I decided I would only lose weight by not taking insulin. Over the following months I was losing weight and becoming distant from everyone. I was obsessed with losing weight, and watching the numbers on my pants and scale go down every sing day. It wasn't until Halloween of 2018 that my loved ones found out that I was dealing with this. In those month I had gone from 170 pounds down to 132 pounds, which may not seem super small, but it was the way in which I was losing weight. You don't need to be super small or super big to have a terrible relationship to food, or have an Eating Disorder.

I would suggest you watch my YouTube video where I go further in depth on my Eating Disorder story. In this blog post I want to focus on the Signs/Symptoms, the Effects and Advocacy for Diabulimia.

SIGNS OF DIABULIMIA

• Not taking good care of Diabetes
• Diabetes management is kept a secret from others
• Annoyed when other ask them about their Diabetes management
• Avoiding diabetes appointments
• Fear of low blood sugars
• Believing that insulin will make them fat
• Extreme anxiety about body image
• Avoids eating with family/friends or in public
• Uncomfortable testing/injecting in front of others
• Obsessed with food, weight and/or calories
• Fatigued
• Frequent bathroom visits
• Increase in sleep pattern
• Distant from friends and/or family activities
• Depression and/or anxiety
• Infrequently filled prescriptions
• Unexplained weight loss
• High A1C (multiple times)
• Dry hair/skin
• Multiple DKA episodes
• Ill all the time
• Periods are infrequent or have stopped

 SERIOUS EFFECTS IT CAN CAUSE

• Blindness
• Wounds not healing quickly
• Yeast Infections from the build up of sugars in the body
• Loss of Periods
• Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA)
• Chronic Diarrhea
• Liver Disease
• Heart Disease
• Kidney Disease
• Coma
• Stroke 
• Death

 If anyone you know that has Type One Diabetes are exhibiting any of these signs I would encourage them to get Professional help. It will be a difficult conversation but their life is worth the anger they may have towards you.

I made this post and my YouTube video in hopes that I would be able to help people who are struggling with this or any other Eating Disorder. I think its important that people talk more openly about this because when I was in the thick of my Eating Disorder I did not see anything online about Diabulimia (from the perspective of EX-Diabulimics). I want other people to know they are not alone in this and that you shouldn't feel ashamed that this is happening in your life. I went through many years of struggling and then a year of really dealing with Diabulimia and I almost lost my life a few times. You are worth every last drop of sweat, blood and tears that it will take for you to recover and get help. 

RECOVERY TIPS/TRICKS 

These are just some things that I found helpful when I was in the early stages of my recovery.

1. Be honest with yourself: First step is admitting to yourself that you have a problem and that you need help. You won't be able to get better unless you recognize that you are sick.

2. Going back to basics: What I found was most helpful was going back to the simpliest form of treating my Diabetes. I started back on needles, started weighing my food, counting carbs and basically acted like I was newly diagnosed all over again. This kept me accountable and in a routine that made me feel like I was in more control.

3. I confided in people that I trusted: I told my parents, boyfriend, sisters and bestfriend everything that I was feeling/going through. They let me vent and express any negative thoughts I was having and they supported/reassured me. I felt safe and I knew that I could always trust them. 

4. Never feel ashamed: You should never have to apologize of feel bad that this is something that you deal with. If people are judgemental then you need to understand that they do not understand how difficult it is to live with an eating disorder. Diabulimia or any other Eating Disorder is just a part of your life story, and that you are already on the road to recovery!

5. Treat yourself: Each month I would reward myself with something, whether it be makeup, clothing, a new book or just a nice meal out, I made sure to make myself feel special. Each month was a month of me being "sober" in a way, I was taking proper care of my Diabetes and having a treat made me feel like I was doing well. By my 24th birthday I treated my self to a 300 dollar shopping spree!

I know from personal experience all of this is easier said than done, but it is important that you get the help you need to you can live that amazing life of yours

Please get help and talk to someone you trust. You are not alone.

Here are a few help lines and professional articles/websites to take a peek at:

National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA): https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

Juvenile Diabetes Reasearch Foundation (JDRF): https://www.jdrf.ca/resources/learn/research-news/diabulimia/

Medicine.Net: https://www.medicinenet.com/diabulimia_-_eating_disorder/views.htm